27 November 2016

Thankful

I have this post written in my head for a few weeks already, yes I've been constructing it mentally for awhile, and with the (American) Thanksgiving Day I thought it would be appropriate time to write it down - meaning: to stop and take the time needed to be thankful.

This year, I have so much to be thankful for I don't even know where to start.

It all started with the worst year of my life, 2015. 2015 was so bad and uninspiring that at some point I honestly felt very close to a complete burnout (I wrote about it here and here - ouch!!). But, thankfully, I'm a person of big decisions and I could, by myself, make the turn to better ones.

I don't know if any of you (you! eheh I'm not sure anyone reads this blog anymore, but it doesn't matter) have ever experienced a bad job. And by bad, I mean, really bad. Ok, so, that was what happened to me for a year or so.

I started my job in 2014, after an internship in the same place the previous year. Both the beginning and the internship where great experiences, it was the revelations that can only come with time that made it the worst thing in the universe for me!

As I said, in the beginning, it was fantastic because I was just back from several academic experiences abroad so I was 'fresh blood' full of energy, a kid happy with the idea of getting her first job (decently well-payed), seen almost like a super star because I had a good comprehension of English (which was really needed) and because I had no family (I wasn't an adult with children, husband and routines - you know?), therefore, no timetables setted up neither. I made them feel I was 24/7 living for it and the truth is, I actually was. Until I stopped being! Lol

As time went by, by mid 2015, I started to feel very disappointed, I started to get to know and to understand the meanderings of the job, the institution itself and it all reveiled like a fraud to me. Everything I heard about it before I get in, was rubbish.

Also, I was in a place that was new to me but obviously not new for most of the people I was working with - most of them worked there for their entire lives - so, they had lots of bickers and work vicious too, and specially this last one, was what I started to struggle with. I started to disagree with their modus operandi and felt everything was done to 'show' something, like just for marketing purposes and to let people thinking we were actually doing something, always super busy bees, when we actually were not. :) You know? Yeah... That and worst.

In a nutshell, I lost the credibility on that job, in what I was doing and in the instituition in general. So much that I honestly think nobody actually does anything there, just pretending! Pretend you're super dupper busy and that's it! It should be enough. Ah, you fools!

The worst piece of this scenario was my boss too. I don't care about her anymore, but there was a period in my life when she was a nightmare for me and I could only talk about how bad she was. For months and months. It was exhausting!

So, in the end of 2015, I went to Miami for Christmas and I was away for 3 weeks. That was THE turning point in my life! After a few days in Miami, I felt SO GOOD that I couldn't remember the last time I felt that way and that's how I felt during my whole stay. It wasn't just because I was on holiday or the good weather, or because I was with family I love, it was more than that... I was far, very far, from the toxic environment I was living in. My family did, indeed, provide me a memorable stay, as always, but I was truly happy, inside me. Like, clear and inner happiness I almost forgot it was possible for months. How sad! So, when I returned home, in January, to a new year, my decision was made: 2016 would be a completely different year! I would quit my job and start doing only what makes me happy (read here and here - yeah!!). (It's Nov. 27th today and I have tears rolling down my face with happiness that I accomplished it all! :) )

I remember reading this post and feeling so inspiring about her story and how similar I felt (I read a lot of life changing texts this past year and assumed my life could be changed too), I wrote a long email to my cousin who lives in Miami thanking them for everything, sharing my decision and starting working for quitting - 5 months that is!

I made the job until the beginning of June and after 2 years, on June 3rd, it was my last day there, never to look back! :) I left without saying a word to my ex-boss and co-workers and I still laugh out loud with the moment! The last months were horrible of course, but not the worst because I had my mind set that it would be only temporary and everything I was doing was done with the state of mind of whom just simply don't care. Inside me, I had gave up everything on that job long before I quit and that's how I stayed on top for the worst period of my life and left feeling somehow 'superior'. Excuse me the seeming arrogance.

After quitting, I enjoyed Summer very very well (the 3 weeks after I quit I did nothing but everything I wanted!), I started working on my current personal project, which already started in October (perhaps I'll feel the need to talk about it later) and now I am happy as f***!!! Ever since I left my previous job, I never thought or talked about it anymore. I turned the page on that chapter of my life, interiorize everything good and bad that happened to me and moved forward.

I'm now a happy kid doing something I always loved but never looked at it as a possibility and I've preparing it since January. By September 2016, I had finish 3 important courses and an incredible exam which changed my life. It was a dream come true that was always with me and just needed to be taken serious to become true and it was as simple as that! I'd like to thank my family who lives in Miami, they had a greater impact on this story than they think, my boyfriend for listen to me (it is so important to have someone you can trust and talk to) and for suggesting me (very casually on a January Sunday lunch) changing job to what I'm doing now and my brother for all the real help in the last 3 months.

I can say I have now in my life a lot of 'things' I've dreamt about in the past and I learnt that everything I want will eventually happen/come, only in the right timing - not in the exact initial moment I want (one of them arrived exaclty one week ago, after 5 years!).
For all of this, and a lot of other things that happened to me along the way, I'm super grateful for my life.
'What an year!' said my cousin to me last week! Yes, what an year it has been!

“Here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.”










 

30 October 2016

Rise and shine!

These past 2 months have wrapped me in some kind of bubble where I'm living in a total isolation from outside world. I'm not the one to complain since I'm loving every minute of it, but it does feel good to go outside and breath in some fresh air. Quite literally in this case :)

With that said and for what matters here, one of the few down sides of being immersed in a personal project, is that my usual evening walks went to from rare to none lately (and god knows how it costs me!).
So, yesterday I woke up in a need of walking in the mornings instead and today I made it happen! What an excellent idea, since it was the perfect Fall morning, sunny with a mist blanket in the horizon. I love all things Fall and how can we not?!

Mother Nature put on a show and the mist brought with it a fine layer of wet glitter, which made me oh and awe at every few steps! It somehow hurts me inside knowing I've been loosing this...
Year after year, I feel more and more blessed to live in this village, which, without a doubt, must be one of the most beautiful places on Earth! I'm feeling blessed today.









14 September 2016

How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?

Dr. Seuss

12 September 2016

Sonhos realizados

Há dois anos atrás, decidi que não havia de ir passear para fora enquanto não conhecesse melhor o meu país - Portugal. Não sei que lógica houve ou continua a haver nisso e sem conseguir explicar bem como nem porquê (ou até consigo, mas não me apetece aprofundar), apaixonei-me pelo meu país mais do que nunca e desde então.
Na altura, fiz aliás, como faço para tudo (!), a minha lista de sítios a visitar cá dentro e no topo da bucket list lá estava ele: o SW Alentejano e Costa Vicentina.
Este Verão, finalmente, de forma pouco planeada - só para me contrariar os planos - mas com a maior excitação do mundo, consegui rumar a sul para uma semana no 'meu' Alentejo tão desejado e tão dourado, como sempre o imaginei.
Foi de lágrimas nos olhos e de Rui Veloso nos ouvidos que comecei a estrada que me levou à 'Ilha do Pessegueiro'! Que emoção :)















19 August 2016

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